Monday, 12 February 2018

24. Twitter

I feel unqualified to use Twitter.

It reminds me of living in university halls where the chief currency in social situations was one’s ability to crack a pun and engage in wisecrack banter. It was like a never-ending  game of witty one-upmanship. Then, and now, the whole thing makes me want to lock the door, lie down and read a classic novel.

Thing is, I’ve always been crap at puns. I’m not sure I’ve ever made a successful pun in my life. Sadly, it was mostly the blokes at uni who were good at them. I'm starting to wonder - did they practice? Is there a place where boys go to learn puns, banter and the self-confidence to use them? Is there an old pun-master locked in a basement somewhere who'll give me the gift of the pun?

Don't get me wrong - I'm hilarious. I just don't pun.

Then again, maybe I'm better off out of it. Like most things in life, there’s a few good bits to Twitter. But in general it’s just a load of people pushing their own agendas, re-tweeting meaningless aphorisms and abusing famous people for being fat/left wing/female - the usual.

Every now and then there's a "movement", created by the temporary proliferation of a hashtag (we won't get into the ins and outs of hashtags here because I have neither the time nor the motivation to debate it or dredge up past harassment). But more often, when something big happens, the chief goal on Twitter is to say the funniest thing possible about it and then wait and see who wins the game. 

I just have this sneaking suspicion that the whole thing is a fabulous waste of time. 

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